


you know i never could foresee the future years

by SmittyJaws



Series: modern times (rock and roll) [2]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, ace!Deaky, ace!OFC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 01:11:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20219326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmittyJaws/pseuds/SmittyJaws
Summary: 5 times John almost asked Jay out, and 1 time he actually did.





	you know i never could foresee the future years

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to ace!Deaky modern AU - something that started as a spin-off from my regular 70s fics for random funny fic ideas, but ended up spawning its own actual universe and serious stories!
> 
> If you follow me on Tumblr, you'll know that I decided to make my modern ace!Reader character an OFC, seeing as my modern AU actually picked up a lot of a storyline and more depth than I anticipated. All the more serious fics will have her named in them as an OFC, but all the other/comedy one-shot fics will still be written from the nameless Reader/‘You’ POV.
> 
> Another huge thanks to [mothmansupreme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothmansupreme/pseuds/mothmansupreme) who not only suggested the concept for the 5+1 for this fic, but also graciously let me keep messaging her and asking for feedback/ideas on this and loaned me the character of Blanche; you da real MVP :D

_ **1.** _

It’s been three weeks since the movie night, and John still has the fuzzy blanket. He hasn’t been sleeping with it anymore (not since the first night, anyway), so it’s just been folded up neatly on a chair in the corner of his room, a constant reminder of that night and what happened to his life. 

After all, it’s also been three weeks since his emotions were tossed into unexpected turmoil; where he suddenly realized he might actually be harbouring feelings for his close friend. He’d thought it might have been just because he was in a pretty odd state at the time, emotions running high after that rough day and looking for anyone to latch onto, but time has passed since and John has been proven oh so wrong.

He’s found himself paying more attention to small details about Jay; the way she laughs, the way light catches her hair in the sunlight, how comfortable he always feels being around her and spending time with her… it’s clear by now that this isn’t just an emotionally charged response to how Karen had treated him, and that he’s actually developed a romantic attraction to his friend.

John tries to be subtle; to downplay the deeper level of affection he’s now feeling without sacrificing the level of platonic affection they already display towards each other on a regular basis, while he tries to think of how best to bring this up and ask Jay out. He’s not sure what they’d do yet for a date, but he knows he’d definitely like to take her on one. Or several, for that matter; he knows they already get along and are comfortable with each other, so surely it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to go out romantically instead of the purely platonic time they spend together?

With that in mind, and the blanket sitting there on his bedroom chair reminding him of his feelings on a daily basis, John knows he should stop stalling and just get it over with. He wants to do this; he really does. It’s easier said than done, though - now he has to actually ask her, and he spends far too long trying to come up with good methods to actually talk about this without seeming awkward (or more awkward than he already feels).

He decides to bring it up one afternoon while they’re studying. They both have exams coming up, and this particular study session involves them sitting around at Starbucks as John’s roommate is attempting to do some reorganization in the flat, so it’s a bit of a disaster at the moment (Jay’s sympathetic and says that hers isn’t in much better condition, what with her flatmate’s things and pet supplies all over the place). They’ve got textbooks, notebooks, cups of tea, as well as both of their respective laptops spread all over one of the larger tables at the back of the shop, and ultimately it forms a very comfortable scene. It’s one that’s very familiar to them both, sitting around with quiet music playing in the background as they both get lost in their own worlds to work on their respective work.

They both love the company of working together, even if it means they’re not actually interacting; it’s a nice change from working in solitude at their respective flats or in a corner of the uni library. They’ll sit together in silence, or occasionally muttering about notes to themselves, but otherwise don’t disturb each other except for the regular breaks they take to just relax every so often. They’ve both found that studying together tends to force them to be more productive than studying alone, as it holds them accountable to actually get their work done (except when Roger or Freddie interrupt, of course).

However, John’s a bit distracted today, and can’t seem to keep his focus on his work too long, no matter how hard he tries. He’s been thinking about how best to approach the situation, and he thinks he might just go for it and ask Jay out - no time like the present, after all. Anyway, it’s not as though he’s one for grand public gestures the way Roger or Freddie would be, and neither is she, so he’s certain that she won’t be disappointed that he’s just asking her over their uni homework in a dusty back corner of a Starbucks.

He still tries to get a bit more work done, but his hands shake when he gets anxious, and after yet another botched attempt to finish the circuitry diagram he’s been sketching, he decides that he’s definitely not going to be able to get any more work done if he’s this distracted. He tries to will his hands to stop shaking but ends up just hiding them on his lap under the table so that he doesn’t look ridiculous.

He calls her name, trying to get her attention.

“Yeah, Deaks?” Jay looks up from her textbook at where John’s sitting across the table with his own textbooks and takes a sip of her tea.

“I… I was wondering…”

“Yes?” She looks confused now.

“I…” Looking at her, right at her face, John loses his nerve. He can’t do this. Not right now. “I just… wanted to know if you’d like to have your blanket back. It’s still at mine.”

“Oh.” John sees a flicker of something pass over Jay’s face, but it’s gone before he has a chance to ask and she’s shaking her head in amusement. “Is that it? Nah, it’s alright. I’ll get it back eventually. Not like I don’t come over to visit often enough,” she teases.

John laughs in response and makes a joke about the blanket needing to pay rent if it stays there for too long unclaimed, to which she giggles back, and just like that the moment has passed and they go right back to studying, albeit with him directing a few more wistful looks towards Jay and the adorably focused expression she’s directing at her flashcards when he knows she’s not looking. Next time. He’ll do it next time for certain. 

——

_ **2.** _

They’ve made plans for this afternoon, which John’s really looking forward to. It’s been a stressful week of midterm exams, projects, and extra work for both of them, and tonight they’re planning on watching the first of the new Star Trek movies and celebrating the fact that they’ve survived the gauntlet of work. And what better way to top it off, John decides, than to ask Jay out on a proper date to celebrate?

Tonight itself isn’t a date, though - the two of them have put up with enough ribbing from their friends about the amount of time they spend together doing date-like things, but they always shake their heads and insist that it’s just two friends enjoying each other’s company - no romantic relationship needed. Freddie rolls his eyes at John’s protests and says that they should really just call a spade a spade and admit that they’re dating in all but name, but John just doubles down and refuses to say otherwise to satisfy the singer’s need to interfere.

He’s still frustrated about the fact that he backed out the way he did last time; curse his anxiety for acting up at the most inopportune moment and making him second-guess himself. This time he’ll get a chance to redeem himself; he’s sure he won’t repeat that last mistake.

He’s grabbing his things to head out from class, ready to just go home and enjoy the night off; maybe even buy some beer - why not, it’s payday, after all. Just then, his professor calls him over.

It turns out John’s missed a few crucial notes on his last assignment he turned in, and while this would normally earn him a 0 for that entire section of his work and drastically lower his mark, the professor knows that this isn’t like him and that John knows the material. She’s willing to let him add in the notes for the mark… if he does them right now in the classroom in front of her without reference materials to cheat off of.

John’s upset, naturally - he knows he’s not normally so careless with his work, but he’s certain this is from his being distracted last week when he was trying to ask Jay out the first time. Now it’s come back to haunt him, and he’s not even able to let her know that he’s being held up for this as the professor needs his answer now, and the moment he says yes, he’ll be expected to put his phone away and focus on completing his work.

He doesn’t want to fail the course, so he says yes and thanks his professor for the opportunity to fix his mistake and sits down to complete the assignment properly. He keeps his focus on his work this time and doesn’t allow himself to think about his post-class plans, knowing that if he bungles this, there won’t be any more do-overs. He double- and triple-checks his notes after he’s completed them to be certain that he hasn’t missed anything, and when he’s sure that he’s finally done this properly, he turns in his work to his professor, who looks it over approvingly as she finishes grading it.

After all is said and done, this has set him back by two hours, and John’s frustrated as he leaves the university. Hopefully, Jay will understand the situation and there’ll still be enough time to watch the movie, or at least to just spend some time together before she has to go to her parents’ house later on… he pulls out his phone and waits impatiently for it to recover from being in airplane mode due to his professor’s request so he can quickly call her and apologize when he sees a string of texts start to appear on his homescreen, all old and finally going through.

_Finally home from my exams! Just waiting on you now :P let me know when you’re on your way!_

_Everything alright? You’re usually done by now. Did you get held up by something?_

_The texts don’t even look like they’re sending. Are you getting these? :(((( _

_Tried turning my phone off and back on again to see if that helped. Doesn’t look like it has. I’m hoping this is just my phone acting up, but you’re never usually this late with no word either. x_x _

_Tried calling; it went right to your voicemail. I also tried texting the others; they have no clue either. This is really weird now._

_…my mum just called; said my dad had offered to come pick me up for dinner so I didn’t have to ride public transit. Upside: I don’t have to ride the tube. Downside: he’s coming now (already left the house when she called) and I’m going over early. Rog says he’ll keep an ear out for you (as will I, obviously), but our movie night’s going to have to wait, unfortunately. Assuming you’re alright, that is._

_Let me know when you get these, please? I know my parents are normally a bit more strict about cellphone use when I go for visits, but I explained the situation and they’re being a bit more lenient about me checking my phone every time I feel a buzz in my pocket. It’s been over two hours now; I hope you’re okay._

_(I mean, you must be? Bc I’m sure your mum would have said something to one of us if they’d been notified of you being injured or anything and no news is good news in this case, right? … sorry, I know I’m rambling at this point, but I’m still worried. This isn’t like you.)_

_(PS: If you happen to text and I don’t respond, it means we’re having dinner, btw. But I’ll answer you as soon as I can.)_

John feels awful, seeing just how worried Jay’s been for him this entire time. While he’s frustrated that his plans have been sidelined yet again, he knows she has no idea what’s happened, so he quickly dashes off a quick text to reassure her that he’s fine: _I’m alright. Got held up at uni to fix some things for an assignment and my phone was on airplane mode so I couldn’t get any messages. I’ll tell you about it later. Sorry I frightened you, though :(_

Almost immediately there’s a response back: _OMG THANK GOODNESS T_T I was so worried for a while. If I don’t get home too late, you can call me later?_

_Of course :)_ John barely has to think about that response as he heads to his car to begin the drive home; it might not have been what he planned, and maybe he has to shelve his plans to ask her out again, but talking to her will still be worth it. He can wait a little longer.

——

_ **3.** _

A few days later, they’ve finally managed to reschedule the movie night. John’s glad there were no hard feelings about him suddenly going incommunicado and having to cancel the last one, but it turns out that Jay was honestly just relieved to see that he was alright.

This is it, he decides. This is the night he’ll finally be able to ask her out, and then this entire rigamarole of trying to find the right time to do so will be over and done with and they can get on with their lives. Or at least John can - he’s the one having to arrange all of this, and Jay has no clue whatsoever. 

They end up holding it at her place; even though John’s flat has the better television, Jay’s flatmate Blanche keeps to herself and stays in her room a lot, whereas John’s does not, and the last thing John needs is for him to be wandering in and out and being a distraction. Plus, he’ll likely just make jokes about why they’re not dating and call them lovebirds the same way he always does every time he sees them together, and John doesn’t think either of them wants to be subjected to that kind of embarrassment.

So, Jay’s place it is, and it’ll be a nice quiet evening with the two of them and at the end of it, John can finally ask her out properly the way he’s been wanting to. The movie starts, the opening theme plays, the first scene starts… and there’s a knock on the door.

Both of them look a bit startled, not expecting any company. John jokes that they should just ignore it as it’s probably just solicitation, but then a familiar voice sounds: “Open up! This is a meme checkpoint!”

Raising her eyebrows, Jay walks over to the door and opens it up to reveal Roger standing there with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Heh. Didn’t think you’d actually open up for that one.” He wanders inside and starts to rummage through Jay’s kitchen cabinets. “Got any food? I’m starving.”

“Don’t you have food at your place, Rog?” she replies back, sighing as she closes all the cabinets after him as he leaves them open.

“No. Brian hasn’t gone grocery shopping yet.” Roger shakes his head and continues rummaging; eyes lighting up at a box of Lucky Charms and immediately commandeering it for himself.

“So instead of going out yourself, you thought you’d come here instead?” John calls from the sitting room, rolling his eyes when Rog pokes his head out in a nod and waves at him from the kitchen. “Brilliant move, really.”

Jay leaves him to his own devices to rejoin John on the sofa, and within a few minutes he’s almost managed to tune Roger out enough to go back to the movie, and they get through two more scenes before there’s another knock on the door. They both look over at Roger, who merely shrugs and mumbles _“Wha’? Wafn’t me!”_ through a mouthful of cereal. Jay sighs and goes to get the door, revealing… 

“Brian? What are you doing here?” Jay’s eyebrows knit together. “…Are you also wanting cereal?”

“What? No.” Brian sounds distracted. “I just got a really cryptic text from Blanche, and I’m concerned that something might be wrong. Can I come in?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure. What kind of text, out of curiosity?” Jay closes the door behind Brian and looks over his shoulder as he pulls out his phone. John and Roger crowd around as well (the latter still munching on his cereal) to see the text and within moments they’re all frowning at the screen in confusion.

“That is odd. I thought she was just hanging around in her room today. Let’s see what’s going on.” Roger and John shrug and go back to the sitting room as Jay walks over to the bedroom, Brian trailing anxiously behind.

Opening the door reveals Blanche lying on her bed, headphones in as she bops her head to whatever music she has playing and her pet chipmunk curled up beside her, asleep. At the sight of the door opening, she beams and takes off her headphones, waving them in. “Hi Bri! What brings you here today? Not that I don’t enjoy seeing you, but this is a bit unexpected.”

“You’re alright then?” Brian pushes past Jay, a bit impatiently. “When I got your text I was so worried, Starlight. Nothing’s the matter?” 

“What text?” Blanche is also confused now, sitting up to look at Jay and Brian. “I didn’t send you anything.”

“Yes, this!” Brian sits on the bed and holds out his phone.

“Oh!” Blanche’s face lights up in realization. “That must have been Punk walking over my keyboard when I went to go use the loo. He does that sometimes.” She indicates the sleeping chipmunk.

“So you’re alright?” Brian still sounds concerned, to which Blanche leans in and kisses his forehead.

“Nothing’s the matter, I promise. But you’re welcome to stay with me now that you’re here if you’d like.”

“Alright.”

Jay closes the door after that and sighs again. “Well, now that that’s done, let’s get back to the movie. Where were we?”

However, it’s clearly not meant to be, as not even two minutes after they’ve restarted the movie, there’s yet another knock on the door. This time John’s the one who sighs loudly and storms over to open the door. “What is it this time?”

The door is opened to reveal Freddie standing there, glare on his face, and…Infinity Gauntlet replica on his hand? John’s eyebrows raise at the utter absurdity of this situation before the singer merely stalks into the flat past him. “Where is he? I’ll kill him.”

“Where’s who, Fred?” John closes the door and follows him into the flat, almost running into Freddie’s back as he stops abruptly in the doorway to the sitting room, pointing his gauntlet-ed hand at Roger, who is sitting on the armchair frozen with another spoonful of cereal raised halfway to his mouth.

“You’re a dead man, darling,” Freddie purrs. “You’ll pay dearly for what you’ve done.” He slowly walks across the room, stopping to loom above the drummer. “You’ve disrupted the balance of the household. Of the cereal.”

Behind him, John and Jay are staring incredulously at the scene taking place, and Blanche and Brian have even poked their heads out of her bedroom door to see what the fuss is.

“Really, Fred? You’re still on about that film? We watched that two weeks ago! Also, I left it balanced!” Roger sputters, leaning away from the singer’s accusatory pointing finger. “I ate half the Lucky Charms and left half for you!”

“Yes, but you specifically ate the half that was ALL THE MARSHMALLOWS, Blondie.” Freddie advances further, glaring. There’s no noise from anyone else as they watch this play out, Jay and John, in particular, turning to each other briefly to mouth ‘I have no idea what’s happening’.

There’s some more shouting on both Roger and Freddie’s parts, which just results in John feeling more and more dismayed by the state of affairs for tonight. He tunes back in just in time to hear Roger cry out: “It’s not my fault! It tasted too good to stop!”

“…title of your sex tape,” John mumbles reflexively, ignoring the uproarious laughter that erupts at Roger’s expense in favour of hanging his head in his hands. All he asked for was one quiet night, but apparently, that’s too much to hope for at the moment. He supposes he’ll have to wait some more to ask Jay out. 

——

_ **4.** _

They’re playing video games at John’s flat on a mutual day off from work and uni when he decides to try again. His flatmate is out working, and the band doesn’t ever tend to come over to John’s place as it’s smaller than theirs, so there’s no chance of interruption from the rest of their friends this time. Just her, and him, and him finally asking the question he’s wanted to for weeks. He waits until after they’ve beaten a boss battle to pause the game and take a breather, before speaking up: “So uh, I was… I was wondering something.”

“Yeah?” Jay’s looking over at him in interest, and John thinks that maybe this is it! It’s now or never, so he needs to say his piece before he loses his nerve. 

“Well,” John starts, taking a deep breath. “I was wondering if-” He’s cut off by the sound of her phone suddenly and wildly coming to life on the end table, Imperial March ringtone blaring loudly in the sitting room as she scrambles to grab it and silence it.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry,” Jay apologizes, dismissing the call and letting it go to voicemail, ignoring the buzz in her hands as she fiddles with it. “It’s Blanche, probably asking some weird question again about medieval animal husbandry. Now, what were you saying?”

“Um. Well.” John’s a bit flustered now; he had hoped that this time he wouldn’t get interrupted, not like his last attempt. But the rest of the band isn’t around, so there’s no chance of that happening again. He gathers himself and starts to speak again: “I was wondering-”

As if on cue, the phone goes off again, clamouring loudly to the strains of John Williams, and John wants to yell. Again? Really? This time, as she’s trying to silence the phone, she gets a look at her phone’s home screen and her eyes widen. A brief glance over shows John a text reading _ANSWER YOUR FUCKIGN PHONE BITCH THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!!!!!!_ from Blanche, and that doesn’t sound good at all.

The phone rings a third time, and she shoots John an extremely apologetic look that John interprets as ‘if I don’t answer, she won’t stop and I’ll never hear the end of it’ before picking up the phone and answering cautiously. “Yes?”

The reply back is so loud John can hear it even without the phone being on speaker, and Jay grimaces and holds the phone away from her ear as Blanche yells. 

“Fucking finally! Thought I was gonna have to call 999 to get you to take this seriously, Stell. We have an emergency, and you need to get over to the flat as quickly as possible.”

“What’s the matter?” She’s tense, rightfully so, and John finds himself on edge as well just watching this all play out. “Are you alright? Are you injured?”

“No, not injured!” the frantic voice cries out, speaker crackling from the sheer volume. “Just stressed out of my fucking mind! Fluffy and Aristotle are missing, and I can’t find them!”

John’s eyebrows twitch upward in a question, to which Jay mouths “her pet owl and gecko” and John understands. Blanche is quite the animal enthusiast, from what he’s been told, and though John still has yet to properly meet her, he’s heard some wild stories.

“I’m sure they’ll turn up eventually,” she attempts to calm Blanche down but the other girl is having none of it.

“I have been _searching_ for **30 MINUTES**!” Blanche cries, clearly distraught. “There’s no sign of them in any of their regular spots, and I’m worried they’ve gone off to someplace dangerous! You’ve got to come and help me find them! The longer they’re gone, the less likely I am to find them again!”

Jay exchanges a look with John before turning back to the call. “Actually, I was kind of in the middle of something-”

“Whatever it is, can’t it wait a little bit?” Blanche pleads, sounding close to tears. “I really need your help. I’m so fucking scared, Stell.”

Jay tilts her head back onto the sofa to look up at the ceiling and closes her eyes in exasperation, and while John knows she’s torn, he also knows what the outcome of this will be; she’ll feel guilty if she says no. Sure enough: “…fine. I’ll be there soon.”

“You will?” Blanche sounds no less frantic (and certainly no less loud), but there’s a note of relief there in her voice now. “Oh, thank God. See you in a few, then!”

The call ends and Jay groans, rubbing the heels of her hands into her eyes in exasperation. “God. How does she always manage to interrupt everything I have going on?” She opens her eyes and gives John a tired look. “I’m so incredibly sorry; looks like I’m off owl hunting instead of finishing our conversation and video games.”

She gestures vaguely at the television that still has Borderlands 2 paused as she stands up to collect her things and jacket. “Get me to a save point, I suppose. And sorry; I know she interrupted you twice, but I’ll call you later if you’d still like to chat?”

Jay sounds hopeful, and John can’t bring himself to say no (when can he ever), though he knows he won’t be asking the question later. He rather hopes she’ll forget that he intended to ask her something, or at least not ask him about it, because this attempt is another one for the books, and by now he just feels ridiculous.

As she rushes out the door (already fielding another frantic call from Blanche), John can’t help but sigh, thinking about how rotten his luck has been. This is three times that something’s come up and he’s been unable to ask her out in the past few weeks. Perhaps it’s not meant to be?

No. He won’t accept that. Maybe this will be one of those things they’ll look back on later and laugh at. He’s got to be able to ask her out properly at some point; surely things will work out in his favour soon?

——

_ **5.** _

It’s a Thursday night, which means they’re all gathered at the Band Flat tonight for a Scrabble tournament, and John thinks tonight might finally be the night he can finally ask Jay out. They’re having a good time, even if Brian is winning most of the games, and John’s just secretly enjoying how close together he and Jay are sitting on the one side of the kitchen table.

Somehow Roger has simultaneously got a mini version of Truth or Dare going at the same time (John thinks it’s to try and distract Brian to give everyone else a chance), and it’s been… entertaining, to say the least. Most people are opting for the Truths rather than Dares, as no one feels like having to get up, and they’d all agreed ages ago that being asked to do anything sexual to each other was unfair, so really, this is more of a chance for a gossipy Q&A than anything.

John hasn’t had to reveal anything too personal, which he’s thankful about, but it’s his turn for the Scrabble game and he’s too busy thinking about his tiles and what words he could potentially play, so he doesn’t particularly notice when Roger’s question is directed toward someone else: “Do you have a crush on someone?”

“Yes.” John’s head whips up at the sound of Jay’s voice and now he’s fully paying attention; he didn’t realize the question was for her and not either of the others. There’s someone she has a crush on?

“Spill it.” Roger leans in eagerly. “There’s someone then? Someone you’re into?”

She blushes and ducks her head, nodding slightly. “There’s someone I’m into, yeah …He’s really nice, and I dunno? He’s the sort of guy I could see things working out long-term with? But we haven’t really talked about any of this yet, so I’m trying to take it slow and not come off clingy.”

The others immediately chime in with supportive statements, but with that news, John can feel his heart dropping. There’s someone else. Of course, there’s someone else. He should have asked her out sooner, and now he’s missed his chance because some other guy has gotten there first, and if there’s something John doesn’t want, it’s to interfere with someone else’s relationship. Across the table, he can see Freddie giving him a knowing look, and John wonders just how obvious it is on his face that he’s unhappy about this.

Just then he notices that the others have gone quiet and are looking over at him, and Roger speaks up: “Been a bit quiet over there, Deaky. You heard the news, right? Or were you pulling a Brian and thinking of your next 17 homework assignments instead?”

Brian flips Roger a two-fingered salute but looks back at John as the bassist shakes his head.

“N-no. I’m fine. I heard. And honestly, I’m happy for you. I know how hard it can be to find someone who accepts you just the way you are.” He tries to smile and feels that it probably looks forced, but it’s enough to deter suspicion and immediately attention is no longer focused on him as Roger chatters on about what she and this mystery man of hers should do on a date.

Meanwhile, John’s gone back to looking down at his tiles but can only think about how he’d planned on asking Jay out tonight on the walk back home to their respective flats. It would have been nice and quiet, just them, nothing elaborate, no interruptions or postponing anymore, and… he shakes his head briefly as he plays his turn, trying to force himself to stop that line of thinking. It’s only going to make him more upset in the end, and if he truly cares for her as much as he knows he does, he’ll want her to be happy… even if it means she’s not happy with him. 

On the way home, it turns out that he maybe hasn’t been as subtle as he thinks (or maybe Jay just knows him too well) as she asks him if he’s alright.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” John nods, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets as he continues to walk.

“You sure? Because I know you. And I know that while you cultivate the image of the quiet bassist to everyone else, you’re only ever that quiet around the rest of us when something’s on your mind.” She tilts her head over to look at him, and there’s a sceptical expression on her face.

“I’m…” God, he really wants to tell her. Damn the consequences of later, and just admit how he feels. But he knows that would only be selfish and hurt her relationship with this other man in the future. John doesn’t want to be the one to ruin this for her, so he does what he does best - deflect. “Just hoping my flatmate hasn’t burnt down the place in my absence,” he jokes. “The man is worse at cooking than Freddie and Rog, I swear.”

“Oh God. And I thought they’d reached the pinnacle of terrible cooking,” Jay groans, before turning more serious. “But you’re sure there’s nothing else the matter?”

“I’m sure.” It pains John to lie to her like this, but he convinces himself that it’s not a lie if he’ll get over it eventually, and it’s the kind of white lie that’ll only help in the end. She doesn’t need to know how conflicted this makes him, so he’ll keep silent. “I promise.”

“Alright.” She doesn’t sound like she fully believes him, but she trusts him to tell her if something is wrong, so she won’t question any further than that.

They walk the rest of the way making idle conversation about superficial topics, and when they get to hers she gives him the usual goodbye hug she always dispenses. Standing there in that moment, John never wants to let go, but he knows he has to… in more ways than one. With that in mind, he watches her walk away and let herself into her building, and begins the rest of the journey home, heavy-hearted.

——

_ **+1.** _

John’s moping. He’ll never admit it, of course, but in the weeks after he’s received the news of Jay’s new mystery love interest, he’s definitely slipped into a bit of a funk. If anyone notices, no one says anything, possibly to spare John’s feelings? He knows that it’s no real secret to the rest of the band how he feels, and how Jay hasn’t noticed yet is anyone’s guess, given how she’s usually able to read him like a book.

Brian and Freddie leave him alone about this, but Roger, of course, won’t let it lie. “Stop sulking.”

“I’m not sulking,” John replies, not looking up from where he’s restringing his bass on the Band Flat’s sitting room sofa. 

“Definitely sulking. You know you really ought to just tell Jay how you feel, right?” Roger persists, sitting beside John on the sofa.

“Not happening. She’s got someone else; she deserves to be happy.” John finally looks up, agonized. “And if it means it’s not with me, then so be it.” He shrugs and tries to play it off like it’s no big deal, but Roger’s look of sympathy says he can see right through the younger man. John can’t stand it and drops his gaze back to his bass to finish the restringing.

They sit in silence for another few minutes as John continues to work on his instrument before Roger speaks up again. “You know she’s in just as deep as you are, right?”

“Yes, thanks. Rub it in, why don’t you?” John says testily. “I don’t need to be reminded of how much she likes this other guy.”

“You idiot.” Roger smacks him on the arm. “It’s you. There is no other guy.”

John looks up at the smack, eyebrows furrowing. “W-what? I don’t understand. But she said…”

“I know what she said.” Roger rolls his eyes. “Let me ask you something. Did she ever mention a name?”

“Well, no, but…”

“Exactly.” The drummer looks smug now. “You _assumed_ she meant someone else. Have you really never noticed the way she looks at you?”

“…she does?” John’s eyes are wide in disbelief now, final string on the bass forgotten as he listens to Roger speak.

“God, for two people so in tune with each other, you’re incredibly oblivious.” Roger rolls his eyes and sighs exasperatedly. “Every single time we hang out, she always sits beside you. When you’re talking, she hangs on your every word. When we’re rehearsing or playing gigs, she can’t take her eyes off you… unless she thinks you’ll notice, in which case she tries to play it off as though she hasn’t been staring at you all moony-eyed. And as a matter of fact, she’s been going on for ages about how she thinks you’re not interested in her that way, so she didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“R-really?” John can’t believe what he’s hearing, hope creeping into his voice as he tries to think back on all the incidences that the blond has mentioned. “You’re not just putting me on, are you?”

“Deaky, I might kid about a lot of things, but seeing the two of you both pining over the other and thinking there’s no chance in hell that you’ll have a relationship is killing me to watch. And I’m not just saying that because I’ve put money on when you’ll finally make a move.” Roger puts his hands up defensively at the younger man’s glare. “What? We all did. It was Freddie’s idea, anyway - blame him.”

“I blame all of you,” John gripes mildly, finally pulling himself together to finish up with his bass. Once completed, he gives Roger another look, a bit of doubt creeping back in. “I swear if I find out you’re making this up to have a laugh at me…”

“I would never.” Roger shakes his head. “Honestly, John. I thought you knew me better than that. I’m not going to pull that kind of prank on you at your expense, not after the way you struggled to pull yourself together after Karen dumped you. And anyway, Jay’s my friend too - I want to see her happy, and from the way I see it, the two of you will definitely make each other happy. I don’t understand everything about why or how you feel for relationships, but I know you care about her, and Jay cares about you too. Now go do us all a favour, yourself most of all, and just fucking ask her out already?” He finishes up with a look of fond exasperation directed towards John, and John finds himself unable to contain the smile that’s creeping onto his face as he thanks Roger for his help.

There was no other guy, and Jay likes him too! This is the best news John’s received in ages, and he forces himself to focus and go about his business of running through a couple of songs with Rog to help tighten up their rhythm section for next week’s gig, and trying to go slowly and carefully as he packs up his bass to head home later on. He wants so badly to just invite her over so he can just ask her out and be done with it, but then he remembers she’s at her family’s tonight again.

No matter - he can do it tomorrow! Jay still has yet to take the fuzzy blanket back to her own flat, so John has a built-in excuse to invite her over (or invite himself over). With that in mind, he pulls out his phone to send her a text: _By the way, I still have that blanket of yours, and I think I need to evict it or start charging rent :P your move_

He doesn’t get an answer back right away, of course, but when he does he can easily imagine the look on her face as she reads that and writes her own response: _You’ll boot my baby out onto the streets? :’( xD shall I pay you in beer for boarding her all this time for me?_

_I’ll never say no to free booze,_ John writes back, grinning. _Tomorrow work for you?_

At Jay’s affirmative answer, John spends the rest of the afternoon and evening in a state of both ecstasy and mild anxiety - this is really going to happen. He’s finally going to do this.

——

The evening passes much too quickly, and by contrast, the next morning crawls, leaving John simultaneously feeling exhausted and impatient, waiting for Jay to come over.

By the time she arrives, John’s worked himself up into a bit of a state but is attempting to move past it to not ruin the afternoon. Somehow, though, when he opens up the door to let her in and they start chatting, a lot of his anxiety dissipates and they settle into the easy camaraderie they usually share. He’s not sure what exactly it is about Jay that diffuses his tension so easily, but he’s not complaining. She’s even brought over a case of his favourite beer, which John thinks is particularly thoughtful, seeing as he’s never explicitly told her it’s his favourite. 

They open a couple of beers and just sit around talking for a bit before John decides it’s now or never. He puts his beer down and clenches his hands together in front of him, trying to will the nervous shakes away. “S-so, I was wondering something.” Why oh _why_ does he have to develop a bit of a stammer when he’s nervous? He was fine the other times, why now?

“Yeah?” Jay’s looking at him curiously. “Something the matter?”

“N-no, nothing’s the matter. It’s just…” this is it. The moment of truth. John pauses for a moment, almost expecting something to pop up and interrupt him again. When nothing does and Jay’s just looking at him strangely, he takes a deep breath and forges ahead before he loses his nerve entirely. “…I was wondering if you’d like to go out. With me.”

“On a date, like?” Her eyes have widened, and John just nods, not trusting his voice. He’s still half expecting the sting of rejection to hit him, for Jay to tell him he’s nice but she doesn’t think of him that way and Roger was playing a joke all along, for things to go badly yet again and… “Yes.”

Now it’s John’s turn to have his eyes widen, not believing this is real. “Really? You would?”

“Yes, of course I would!” She smiles shyly. “I was hoping you’d ask, actually. For a while, I thought it was just me that had a hopeless crush and that you didn’t think of me that way, so I’m happy to know that it’s not just me. Rog hinted that you might be interested a while back, but after so much time passed and nothing happened, I assumed you were happy to just stay friends. And if you were happy with that, I didn’t want to muck anything up.”

“Oh, God.” John can’t stop himself from laughing a bit at this whole situation and how ridiculous it’s been. At Jay’s look of confusion, he clarifies: “You would not believe how many times I’ve tried to ask you out lately. It’s been an absolute disaster, I swear.”

“Oh?”

She looks at him curiously, and John nods, still grinning. “I’ll have to tell you about it later on, but I think you’ll really have a good laugh at it too.”

“I’m sure I will,” Jay agrees. “Well, that’s the past, though; now I suppose we’ll need to decide what we should do for our date. Any thoughts?”

“To be quite honest, I didn’t think that far ahead,” John confesses, going a bit red. “…after so many setbacks, I didn’t actually think I’d get this far.”

“That’s fair.” Jay thinks for a moment before she smiles again. “How do you feel about ice skating?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also @smittyjaws on Tumblr, if you want to hit up my dumpster fire of a blog!


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